A few months ago, Dude Vodka, an upstart Shadow Beverage Group LTD product, ran roughshod through the 2011 March Madness Vodka Tournament, bringing Grey Goose and Three Olives to their knees. A couple weeks ago, the NFL season returned, and with it came our NFL “Point Spreads and Picks” feature.
Not at all impressed how we lost 9 games with our Week 2 Picks, Mitch, from the Shadow Beverage Group has offered his guidance, with which he believes we, and our picks, will benefit greatly.
No more impressed by anyone who would dare question me, I have offered to post Mitch’s picks in contrast to my own, if only to highlight my genius. If Mitch’s results exceed mine, which he assures me they will, I will post his commentary for the games where our picks differ. Until then, delight in the entertainment and knowledge to be gained by the Vodka Examiner’s (VE) expert NFL analysis.
For posterity, despite last weeks certain anomaly, for the season the “Point Spreads and Picks” record stands at a surely impressive 18-14. Here’s proof if you need it.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
New England Patriots v Buffalo Bills +8.5
The Patriots are crazy good. With the exception of the two games they play in Pennsylvania this year, there isn’t a game on their schedule they won’t win easily. Buffalo is better than they have been in decades, but not as good as New England. No one is. Mitch, it seems, is not so sure.
Mitch’s pick: Buffalo +8.5
VE’s pick: New England -8.5
Jacksonville Jaguars v Carolina Panthers -3.5
The Jags scored 3 points last week against the Jets. They should do better against Carolina, who has given up 58 points in their first two games, but can they keep up with an unhinged Cam Newton? At this point, it’s doubtful.
We both pick: Carolina -3.5
San Francisco 49ers v Cincinnati Bengals -2.5
The best way to handle a game you positively can’t care about is to take points and forget about it until you get the paper on Monday morning.
Both pick: San Francisco +2.5
Miami Dolphins v Cleveland Browns -2.5
Does anyone have the confidence to take the Browns giving points? Okay, we did it Week 1 v the Bengals, and look where that got us. And, no, a lopsided win against the Manningless Colts does not get you back into our good graces.
Mitch is far more forgiving, to his detriment.
Mitch: Cleveland -2.5
VE: Miami +2.5
Detroit Lions v Minnesota Vikings +3.5
‘Tis truly an odd beginning for Detroit. Giving points on the road. Getting convincing wins at home, and on the road. We will continue to take the Lions until they disappoint us. With McNabb getting another the start in Minnesota, disappointment isn’t likely to come at the hands of the Vikings.
Both pick: Detroit -3.5
Houston Texans v New Orleans Saints -3.5
New Orleans’ D had no answer for Aaron Rodgers. Conversely, they had no pity for Jay Cutler. What can the Saint’s offense do against a Texans team that has surrendered only 20 points in two games? If Houston can keep Andre Johnson and at least one healthy running back on the field, with their defense, they are going to be impossible to beat by 4 points.
Mitch: New Orleans -3.5
VE: Houston +3.5
New York Giants v Philadelphia Eagles -7.5
Eli Manning is a truly frustrating man. He screws up and succeeds simultaneously just enough to upset everyone. Rather than fight it, we are going to anticipate Eli’s turnovers cost the Giants this game, while throwing enough touchdowns to get the cover.
The logic here is flimsy, and we don’t fault Mitch at all for not buying it.
Mitch: Philadelphia -7.5
VE: Giants +7.5
Denver Broncos v Tennessee Titans -6.5
Some lament the effect Fantasy Football has on the NFL fan experience, i.e., participants care more about their fantasy team then their home team. This can be debated by people who have more time than we do, but if we can take anything from this week’s fantasy forecasts it’s that Chris Johnson is going to set the Denver Broncos on fire and pee on them.
Both pick: Tennessee -6.5
New York Jets v Oakland Raiders +3.5
The Raiders should have gotten blown out in Buffalo with half their offense on the DL. Instead, they nearly won.This either means the Bills aren’t as good as advertised, Denver isn’t as bad as they looked last Monday, the Chiefs are even worse than they appear, or, dammit, the Raiders aren’t going to be awful this year.
Both pick: Oakland +3.5
Baltimore Ravens v St. Louis Rams +3.5
In their game against the Steelers, the Ravens looked like they were headed to the Super Bowl, and were chosen by many to do so. One week, and one loss to the Tennessee Titans later, and Baltimore is just another decent NFL team. The NFC West is a great place to restore one’s reputation. Or, according to Mitch, challenge my own.
Mitch: St. Louis +3.5
VE: Baltimore -3.5
Kansas City Chiefs v San Diego Chargers -14.5
Fourteen points is far too many to give in a game involving two professional sports teams. However, the professional status of the Kansas City Chiefs is currently in doubt, and being reevaluated by the league. Besides, Mitch and I are Charger fans.
Both pick: San Diego -14.5
Green Bay Packers Chicago Bears +3.5
The Packers handled the Saints. The Saints dismantled the Bears. The Packers will punish the Bears. An easy application of the Transitive Property of NFL Game Selection if ever there was one.
Both pick: Green Bay -3.5 (pick of the week)
Arizona Cardinals v Seattle Seahawks +3.5
How will the Seahawks respond to last week’s throttling in Pittsburgh? Probably the same way they responded to hearing all last week how they were going to get throttled by Pittsburgh, which was to not score a single point.
Both pick: Arizona -3.5
Atlanta Falcons v Tampa Bay Buccaneers -1.5
Does a dubious win against Donovan McNabb’s Minnesota Vikings justify giving 1.5 points to a team that is better than yours? One of us does not think so.
Mitch: Tampa Bay -1.5
VE: Atlanta +1.5
Pittsburgh Steelers v Indianapolis Colts +10.5
If a 24-0 victory over Seattle isn’t enough to lift the Steelers’ spirits, surely this weeks scrimmage in Indianapolis will do the trick.
Both pick: Pittsburgh -10.5
Monday, September 26, 2011
Washington Redskins v Dallas Cowboys -6.5
When this article goes to print, it will be uncertain whether Tony Romo or Jon Kitna will be starting for Dallas. Despite Jerry Jones’ assurances that every player who wears a Cowboy uniform is better than every player who does not, the Redskins aren’t losing by a touchdown to Kitna.
Mitch, having followed Kitna since his days at Central Washington, is keeping the faith.
Mitch: Dallas -6.5
VE: Washington +6.5
Win or lose, we highly recommend Dude and Mystt Premium Vodka. Shadow Beverage Group is active in broadening their distribution, and if you find it in your area, get some, try it and love it. If you don’t find it, ask for it. The Vodka Examiner is not paid for these statements, nor does he intend to take it easy on Mitch when his picks are revealed to be pure folly.