*Names have been changed
Baltimore resident Danielle* could feel the elation bubbling up to make her heart flutter as she watched her date, Brad*, drive around the corner to exit her apartment complex. They had only been on a few dates but the chemistry between them had already enveloped Danielle with the intoxicating buzz of infatuation. Brad seemed to be the full package, a man with maturity, charm, a career he loved and a wit sharp enough to be showcased on Saturday Night Live. It wasn’t until a casual night out with friends and a few cocktails that Danielle’s ardor disintegrated and the ache of deception swelled.
Danielle incidentally met a friend of Brad’s that night—Tonya—through an acquaintance and she was perplexed at the prospect of Brad and Danielle dating.
“Brad has a girlfriend,” Tonya said. “He’s been living with her for a few years now.”
When Danielle confronted her fraudulent suitor, he rebuffed her accusations and delivered a slew of excuses. Brad was brazen enough to chastise Danielle for thinking such things of him and causing him stress. It came to light eventually that Brad was in fact lying and Danielle refused to see him again.
It has been found that honesty and trust are integral factors in sustaining a long-term relationship (Blonna, Carter and Levitan 2010). Certain lies can be innocuous, such as telling a partner that the most hideous pair of shoes they have ever seen in their life look gorgeous because they know their mate adores the petulant pumps, or choosing not to divulge which one of your boyfriend’s colleagues are the most attractive. However, lies which involve infidelity, health concerns (such as having a sexually transmittable infection) and other weighty subjects are almost guaranteed to fracture or end a relationship.
Liars do not always display the blatant mannerisms associated with fallacy, such as hand wringing, perspiration and stuttering, particularly if the individual is experienced in lying and does not feel shame in it. Five subtleties can be red flags if spotted in a date.
- Exclusion of the word “I”. According to an article at the American Psychological Association by Rachel Adelson, people usually don’t speak in first person or use first person pronouns when telling a lie. “Liars avoid statements of ownership, distance themselves from their stories and avoid taking responsibility for behavior,” Adelson cites this as an analysis from psychology professor James Pennebaker, PhD. Associate professor at Cornell University, Jeffrey Hancock, echoed the sentiment that liars avoid using first-person in an article by Arianne Cohen and Lindsay Van Gelder at Real Simple.
Click here for part two of this article
Find the perfect date spot in Baltimore!
An article from CBS Baltimoreoffers up great ideas for the perfect first date. Made Manual also offers a list of the 10 Best First Date Restaurants in Baltimore. Want to peruse other activities in the area? Visit Baltimore.orgfor information on everything the Maryland city has to offer.