Happy September Toronto Singles! I know, it’s been longer than usual to get a column out of me this time around and really I have no excuses. It’s not lack of passion or inspiration, there is plenty of that in the city. It’s just pure, unadulterated, lethargy. That’s right. I used a million-dollar word there. If you need help on what today’s ‘big word’ means, here’s a link – lethargy.
Tied to my absence is the fact that I’ve made some significant life changes recently. First and foremost, I moved to the burbs. Temporarily. Like just for the winter. Or sooner. For as long as my commute to the 9-5 from the suburbs remains 10minutes or less. For as long as I can save a few bucks and maybe start writing full time. For as long as I can tolerate hearing crickets and regional road traffic instead of streetcars, crackheads and sirens. For as long as I can maintain my sanity.
So although my residence is outside of the city, you’ll still find me downtown on weekends and at every single solitary opportunity that my alter-ego affords me. And yes, I’m still a Toronto boy at heart. The ‘burbs will not corrupt me. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get down to business.
Today’s topic Toronto Singles is *cue drumroll* “What I want to be when I grow up”. Why is this even relevant you ask? Well let’s just think about this folks. We’re all grown-ups here. We’re out there. We’re meeting people. We’re taking them out, taking them home, taking their clothes off. Lots of taking. Take, take, take. So in the spirit of taking, let’s take a look at ourselves. We, meaning all of us, tend to find a sense of identity ourselves by what we do. People say;
“I am a Lawyer”,
“I am a writer”,
“I am a dancer” (the @carlenabritch kind. Not the Brass Rail kind – though I suppose they say the same thing).
You don’t typically hear anybody say “I practice law”, “I write” or “I dance”. So if our career is so linked to our identity, it likely will have an impact on who/what we’re looking for in a partner. Because who YOU are is going to have a significant effect on who YOU choose to let in. Recognize and own that folks.
Now that we’ve got that baseline established. Think about what you wanted to be as an adult when you were a kid. I personally wanted to be a cowboy. I liked horses. My dad watched oater films. I was all up in the cowboy mentality. That or SpiderMan. I still have my Spidey doll from when I was a toddler. Toronto Singles, I know you’re asking yourselves “What is this guy on about?”.
Be patient. It’s coming.
When you were a kid, you hadn’t a care in the world about money, mortgages, retirement savings, none of it. You were content just being happy. For me, riding a horse, wearing filthy clothes and not bathing for days at a time seemed to be something that would make me happy. That or being a radioactive superhero who could climb walls. I would still define myself and say;
“I’m a cowboy”
Or “I’m Spiderman”
But I’d be doing these jobs for sheer joy, and less for the other stuff that sometimes clouds why one gets into a career. by extension, this might clouds who you may really be. Toronto is a city where people come from all walks, all careers, all places. It’s beautiful. It’s the world in one city. It’s also a place where I find that people get caught up. It’s fast-paced. It’s corporate. It sometimes thinks that it’s the centre of the universe and has an “I’m better than you” attitude. It’s people are sometimes the same way. Sorry guys, but it’s hard truth time.
Here’s what I’m going to ask you to do. Next time you’re out and about. Next time you’re in deep thought about if that guy/girl is right because of the job they do, car they drive or assets they have. Next time you’re wondering if your potential (or current) mate is up to snuff, think of what you wanted to be when you grew up.
If you became a cowboy, a ballerina or Spiderman, Would that person care at all?
Tots signing off ‘til next time. You all take care.
Disclaimer: The above column is not intended to offend any Bay Street Financiers, Queen West Hipsters, or Liberty Village Yuppies. It was really my way of letting it be known that I really want to be a cowboy. Like the kind in 3:10 to Yuma. I want to ride horses and carry six-shooters. Oh, and I also want people to stop looking at material goods and look at MATERIALITY when looking for a mate. I think we’d hear more dating success stories if that were the case. I’m done.