Looking for Halloween jokes or quotes to use on Twitter, post on Facebook, send by text or share with your friends at a Halloween party? Find jokes and quotes for ghosts, vampires, witches and ghouls of all ages below.
Don’t forget the kids! Halloween joke websites are a big hit with kids as they wait to go trick-or-treating. Silly riddles, funny jokes, humorous quotes and those that are downright creepy are all part of the Halloween fun.
Halloween Jokes and Riddles:
- What is a Mummie’s favorite type of music? Wrap!
- Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? Because he has a Hallo-weenie.
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to see a scary movie? He didn’t have the guts.
- Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? At the casketeria.
- Why was the mummy so tense? Because he was all wound up.
- What kind of alley does a ghost prefer to haunt? A dead end.
- Did you hear about the new Dracula doll? Wind it up and it bites Barbie on the neck.
- Why wasn’t the vampire working? He was on his coffin break.
- What did the skeleton say to the vampire? A. You suck.
- Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos.
- Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? A. He had no body to dance with.
- What’s a Vampire’s least favorite song? Another one bites the dust! (continue below)
- I dressed up as a veterinarian for a Halloween costume party. I had the lab coat. I got a couple of stuffed animals for patients and put bandages on them. – Tracy Chapman
- Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble. – Shakespeare, Macbeth
- I made a decision back in 1978 that, in a trade off for money when I directed Halloween, I would have my name above the title in order to basically brand these movies my own. – John Carpenter
- I see my face in the mirror and go, ‘I’m a Halloween costume? That’s what they think of me? – Drew Carey
- This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. – Conan O’Brien
- Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, / Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. Edgar Allen Poe, The Raven
- There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.” – Linus from ‘It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’
- My candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open…” – Mary Shelley, Frankenstein
- On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. – Rodney Dangerfield
- A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween. – Erma Bombeck
- Hold on, man. We don’t go anywhere with “scary” “spooky” “haunted” or “forbidden” in the title. – FromScooby-Doo
- Eye of new, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog, Adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting,Lizard’s leg, and howlet’s wing,For a charm of powerful trouble, Like a hell-broth boi and bubble. – William Shakespeare, Macbeth
More Halloween Fun:
- Free pumpkin stencils: Best pumpkin carving patterns online
- Free Halloween music: Download top Halloween songs, bone chilling sounds online
- Free Halloween printables, coloring pages, word searches, craft ideas
Sources: Brainy Quote, Quote Garden, Halloween.com, Kaboose.com