Last night and early into the morning hours, the Big Brother 13 fortune-teller finally came to life after all these weeks! She finally spoke to the houseguests in the Parlor room and the only guess we can really make is that the things she said will show up somewhere in a competition.
So, hope you listened well houseguests — because this fortune-teller had a LOT to say.
She came alive at approximately 9:35pm BBT and the first person she spoke to was Porsche. But don’t worry, she got around to everyone, including houseguests that weren’t even in the Big Brother 13 house anymore.
The fortune-teller told everyone to gather together and said, “Hello everyone! Greetings houseguests! I am Crystal, the Big Brother fortune teller. The winner of Big Brother is in this room with me. ” She then said, “You have one minute to come to my room when you hear my laugh for a reading — miss a reading and you won’t be winning HOH.”
Not long after, the readings began and we thank Hamsterwatch for bringing us these very accurate readings from Crystal the Big Brother 13 fortune-teller.
- 9.42pm, 3.22am: In 2018, Shelly will make millions when her book How I Created the Perfect Tan and How You Tan Too reaches #3 on the all-time best seller list
- 9.47pm, 3.50am: In 2017, after the hot Miami sun becomes too much for her to bear, Porsche will move to Anchorage, Alaska and buy an igloo with an Eskimo named Ernie
- 9.55pm, 4.05am: In 2014, Jeff will disappear from society – he will be last seen wandering the Chicago streets muttering only two words: clown shoe
- 10.21pm, 5.12am: On October 15, 2011 at 3.42pm, Daniele will reconcile with her father Dick.. on October 15, 2011 at 3.49pm, they will go back to not speaking
- 10.24pm, 5.40am: In 2014, after sleeping for 19 straight days and making national headlines in a sleep study, Kalia will earn her dream job as a mattress and pillow tester
- 10.39pm, 4.55am: In 2016, Lawon will take New York fashion week by storm when he launches his Handsomefied line of hats, ties and jackets
- 10.42pm, 5.50am: After taking nine years to earn his PhD, Brendon will shock scholars and physicians alike after discovering the cure for an ailment that plagued him his entire life: athlete’s foot
- 10.53pm, 4.11am: In 2020, Adam will file for bankruptcy after investing his life savings into a line of bacon-scented heavy metal teddybears for children
- 11.02pm, 2.30am: In 2018, Rachel will give birth to a 9lb 6 oz bouncing baby boy, naming it Buki Junior after its proud father
- 11.04pm, 2.09am: In 2012, Cassi will land a role alongside international megastar David Hasselhof in the countrified Baywatch reboot, Riverwatch
- 11.06pm, 3.06am: In 2015, Evel Dick will start a Christmas tradition by bringing gifts to heavily tattooed orphans, changing his name from Evel Dick to Old St. Dick
- 11.09pm, 4.59am: In 2013, Dominic will grace the cover of 17 Magazine with the headline Total Dom-ination – he’ll dethrone pop sensation Justin Bieber as America’s favorite heartthrob
- 11.17pm, 2.47am: In 2015, Keith will land a job hosting a new dating show called Love Rejection, but it will be short-lived after it’s revealed he tried to date all 29 female contestants
- 11.21pm, 4.46am: In 2011, after the runaway success of the humilitard, Jordan will launch a line of humilitard-inspired items including the humilicar, the humilifier, and the humilibake oven
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