Being in a relationship can be difficult enough, but for numerous women in love with one that has a propensity for abuse life can be much more onerous. Earlier this month President Barack Obama released a proclamation naming October 2011 Domestic Violence Awareness Month. While it is good this acknowledges an epidemic impacting millions of people from various backgrounds, beliefs and creeds the unfortunate thing is many lose their lives daily. According to national statistics cited by the Domestic Violence Resource Center on average, more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this country every day.
Such an act made front page news Tuesday morning in The Winston Salem Journal which reports that a couple both tragically died when their relationship that was known as being tumultuous came to a fatal end (Hewlett, 2011). They had been together a little more than 5 years since high school and it is said that the woman, Ashley McGill, had been choked, beaten and harassed in the past by Fredrick McClinton Sr. Now two families must mourn the passing of these young people each in their early twenties. Meanwhile, their four year old child is left behind parentless. It can be common to stay put despite a history of violence or control grasping for reasons to explain improper behavior of your abuser. If you are with a man that has gotten violent with you, please take a moment to consider how often this has occurred. It can be a scary thing when a woman believes all is well one moment and so quickly things go south ending with her screaming out in pain.
Know what to look for. If you are with someone that displays some of the personality traits below it is time to get some help or find the strength to end the relationship:
The Characteristics and Early Warning Signs of an Abusive Spouse or Partner per Clint Van Zandt:
- History of abuse as a child.
- History of verbal or physical abuse of parents, family, and friends and even pets.
- History of acts of vandalism or other crimes, especially those of violence against others.
- Lack of a positive male role model in the home, or the presence of an abusive male or female authority figure in the early or formative years.
- Exhibits a violent temper along with poor conflict resolution skills.
- Needs always to be in control of situations and those closest to him.
- Is usually jealous and may spy on friends and family.
- If male, he views and owns pornographic materials and may spend hours on the Internet without allowing you to see what he is into.
- Abuses alcohol or exhibits other kinds of substance abuse.
- Has a very low or especially high self-image; if male, a “macho” man, possibly connected to his physical stature, his educational or professional background, or occupation.
- Is unable to talk about or discuss his personal feelings.
- Insensitive to the feelings of others – he does not feel your pain.
- Lies frequently, many times for no apparent reason.
- Cannot admit to guilt or responsibility in any situation.
National Domestic Violence Awareness Month Proclamation: http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2011/10/03/presidential-procl…
Domestic Violence Resource Center Statistics: http://www.dvrc-or.org/domestic/violence/resources/C61/#hom
Hewlett, M. 2011, October 18. “Young couple found dead had tumultuous relationship, court papers say”. Retrieved October 19, 2011 from http://www2.journalnow.com/news/2011/oct/18/2/forsyth-county-sheriffs-of…
Van Zandt, C. 2006, February 14. “Characteristics of an abusive partner”. Retrieved October 19, 2011 from http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11347968/ns/msnbc_tv-the_abrams_report/t/cha…