CM Punk calls out Del Rio; Laurinaitis just wants a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Backstage Zack Ryder is super-excited and letting everyone within earshot know he was chosen by Laurinaitis to be John Cena’s tag team partner in tonight’s main event. Luckily “everyone within earshot” turns out to be the uber-sexy Bella twins. Surprisingly, the WWE’s resident mean girls are every bit as happy for Zack as he is. Guess they reserve all their cattiness for their fellow WWE Divas.
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Alberto Del Rio comes out next. After successfully defending his title last night at Vengeance—not a clean finish but a win’s a win, right?—Del Rio looks every bit the consummate champion here. Alberto might not be the first name you go to when you think of dominating forces inside the ring, but damned if he doesn’t just… look like a champion. I mean, don’t get me wrong the man’s no slouch on the wrestling end either, just saying.
Heh, I notice when his announcer Ricardo does his usual spiel of announcing Del Rio he inserts the words, “Fruity Pebbles, de John Cena” in the middle of his long stream of Spanish. I don’t know what this means, but I’m sure Spanish guys all throughout the Midwest and in Mexico must be going, “Awwww, snap!” right about now.
Alberto Del Rio gloats, like an Alberto Del Rio does, about how he beat Cena to retain his title once again and how he’s the best in the ring.
Hmm, wonder if there’s anybody in the locker room who might disagree with that. Why, probably the guy currently making big bucks in royalties from sales on a t-shirt that says, ‘Best in the World’ on the back. Cue CM Punk, coming out to challenge Del Rio for his title. Del Rio tells Punk he doesn’t think of him as a credible challenger, especially considering he lost his match the night before at Vengeance. We’ll just overlook that the same two people—Miz and Truth—who cost Punk his match were the same catalyst, without whom it’s likely Del Rio would’ve lost his own match.
Johnny Ace comes in to settle the two men’s differences. (Heh, you’d be surprised how much more fun it is typing Johnny Ace than it is John Laurinaitis. Think I might run with it.) He has a very simple offer for CM Punk. If only Punk will tell Ace that he respects him, he can have his match at SummerSlam against Del Rio. “Are you Aretha Franklin?” Punk asks.
Thinking about it for a bit, Punk manages to say, “Mr. Laurinaitis, sir… I respect you. I respect the fact that each week you come out here in front of the millions of fans in the WWE universe live on the USA network with this awesome, completely lost deer in the headlights look on your face. I respect the fact that you don’t know how close to hold the microphone to your mouth when you speak. I respect the fact that you used to compete in this ring with your awesome Kentucky waterfall mullet and you were never any good but you somehow still ascended to the top of the WWE corporate structure… but above all I respect the fact that never before in this business has somebody with so little done so much. I respect you. How’s that sound? Is that good enough for you?”
Soooo, no title shot, then?
Just to give Ace a little bit more to think about, CM Punk piles onto WWE Champ, Del Rio and prepares to lay him flat on the canvas. Alberto’s faithful manservant (tee hee) Ricardo intervenes on his behalf, giving his master time to escape. The GTS that was meant for Del Rio gets put on Ricardo instead.
Next up is Natalya vs. Alicia Fox. Hey, there’s Ms. Sass herself. Haven’t seen Alicia on Raw in a very long while. The WWE doesn’t even let her do her catwalk. I guess the writing’s as much on the walls for them as it was for me: Kelly Kelly is the undisputed reigning new champ of the hip toss. Natalya has increased her repertoire of submission holds this week, doing a pseudo-figure four move and goading Fox, slapping her “about the head and neck” while saying that she wants to see her cry.
This new masochistic streak of hers is interesting. She could really establish herself in the women’s division by making it her goal to force the so-called “Barbie” divas to cry in pain while in the ring with her. Fox doesn’t do much crying, but what she does do is a lot of pinning Natalya and winning. So yeah, she’s got that going for her.
Continue reading to hear about the night’s main event: John Cena and Zack Ryder vs. The Miz and R-Truth.
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