Circa late 1990s, my list of dating must haves looked something like this: tall, dark hair with the “bowl” hair cut, light eyes, knows how to roller skate or rollerblade, likes horror movies, plays sports, knows how to dance, doesn’t smoke or do drugs, is smart (with a a touch of being a smart-ass), honest, respectful, humorous, good kisser, calls me back when he says he will, pages me with cute messages that I have to turn upside down to read (because beepers were cool back then!), and is someone my mom approves of.
Fast forward five years and my list evolved to require the following: tall, dark hair “gelled look,” real colored eyes (no fake contacts), has a car, is educated and working towards professional goals, doesn’t do drugs (though I’ll tolerate the smoking), honest, witty with a bad-boy flare, respectful, humorous, outgoing, good kisser, sexually compatible, romantic, returns my phone calls, sends me thoughtful emails and text messages, likes to go clubbing and dancing, is close with his family, blends in with my family, likes baseball, knows how to dress well, is cultured, sits on the more politically liberal side of the fence, and understands the importance of communication and compromise within a relationship.
In late 2009, I met my fiance: 6’2”, dark hair, brown eyes, Physical Therapist, hates driving and sold his car, hates sports, loves yoga, video games, comic books, anything Superman or zombie affiliated, drinking tea, appreciates art and culture, could use a few (or several) fashion tips, introverted, only child, dances (usually to his own beat), honest, respectful, is committed to learning about my family’s nuances (we’re a *special* bunch), is supportive, communicative, believes in social/gender equality, great kisser, liberal minded, and is generally speaking, the quintessential “good guy.”
When I rewind my memory reel of past romantic connections, the majority of my previous partners were selfish, cocky, argumentative yet charming, well-dressed jerks. Most could probably tear up the dance floor, but not before tearing out some fragment of my heart. As I mature and evolve, I have come to realize something very important about love, dating, and relationships: there is no such thing as getting everything we want and getting less doesn’t mean we are settling; it just means that no one is perfect…including ourselves. It means that some qualities and attributes are negotiable; and conversely, that some flaws are non-negotiable. It also means that priorities can change and so what if my partner likes comic books instead of baseball or thinks it’s ok to wear brown boots with a black shirt; when at the end of the day, he thinks my happiness is important.
Questions, comments, concerns? Feel free to message Cassie at email@example.com; afterall, she IS your SexGuru!