Atlanta based Pizza Baron Herman Cain joined five other GOP presidential hopefuls in Iowa to show off in front of approximately a thousand Christians. The theme of the night centered around each candidate’s commitment to ending legal abortion in America once and for all. (LINK)
Said Cain, “I believe abortion should be clearly stated as illegal across this country. No abortions, no exceptions.” Feeling pressure from ultra-conservatives after apparently contradictory remarks on abortion, Cain was in an especially vulnerable position after being crowned the latest frontrunner in the GOP’s version of Survivor: Iowa. Despite the clear affirmation of his anti-abortion stance, he was the recipient of multiple pot shots from other candidates for most of the night.
Rick Santorum told a moving story about the birth of his child Gabriel. Rick and his wife Karen have seven children, so it’s clear that at the very least, he takes his anti-abortion stance seriously — so seriously, in fact, that the couple ignored advice from their physician to terminate Karen’s pregnancy based on abnormal sonogram results. Subsequently, she developed a life-threatening intrauterine infection and a fever that reached nearly 105 degrees. At 20 weeks, she gave birth. Gabriel lived for two hours. They took the dead baby home, introduced it to the children, slept with it overnight, then surrendered it for proper disposal. No… really. That’s what they did.* In case you’re interested, Karen wrote a book on etiquette for children.
This isn’t the first time that the couple has inflicted pain and suffering on an infant in the name of their holy and loving god. (LINK) Santorum’s daughter Bella was born with Trisomy 18, a genetic disorder also known as “Edwards syndrome.” It’s a nasty condition with a 90% prenatal fatality rate. Of live births, 50% die in the first year. Those who do live past a year suffer horribly.
All six candidates made prolific use of Bible verses. Rick Perry apparently thought his earthly flaws were a good selling point: “If any of you have watched my debate performance over the last three or four times, you know that I am far from perfect.” Michele Bachmann assured the sheep that “we don’t have to compromise.” All in all, it was a fine evening of tough talk and misogyny. Notably absent were non-Christian Mitt Romney and non-Christian Utah Governor Jon Huntsman. Notably present was Ron Paul, who still maintains an inscrutable appeal to non-Christian libertarians and white males with Asperger syndrome.
What is abundantly clear is that all six candidates — Cain, Paul, Bachmann, Perry, Gingrich, and Santorum — have sold their souls to the church. While Wall Street is being overrun by disgruntled Americans fed up with corporate favoritism, these six candidates are peddling their hyper-religious snake oil. They’re committed to saving America one unwanted pregnancy at a time. One mother’s death at a time. One infant’s brief hours of pain and misery at a time. One coathanger at a time.
* Well, that’s their story, anyway. The other, more believable story is that Karen had a late-term abortion. Which makes them hypocrites, but not demented child abusers. Personally, I think they look crazier in the “dead fetus in bed” story. If they think that makes them look more moral… well… we have different views of morality.