Clyde just finished watching the last episode of Sons of Anarchy. Muffy, Clyde’s wife isn’t really a big fan of the show but sits patiently with him and sees that he doesn’t run low on chips and bean dip. Clyde has been working for Doorknobs and Lamps as an accountant for the past 17 years. He tells Muffy that his new dream in life was to own and ride a motorcycle. Muffy told her husband Clyde that she knew some bikers years ago when she was in college. She seemed excited when she talked about the bikers and Clyde became visibly depressed. He told Muffy that it was just a dream and that he would probably never buy a bike.
Clyde stepped outside of his cubicle at work the next day and began staring at his fellow office workers. He began to wonder where the hell his life is taking him. Clyde then looked at a magazine picture he cut out and hung up next to his desk of the Sons of Anarchy cast. He picked up his briefcase and stormed out his office door.
Clyde went home and logged onto his computer before even saying hello to Muffy. He ordered an SOA vest with all of the patches and paid for overnight shipping. Muffy came into the room and asked him what he was doing and how his day was. Clyde quickly blacked out the screen and nervously told her that everything was great. Muffy was suspicious and asked him if he was trolling porn sites again. Clyde stormed out the door and jumped in his car. He drove to the local motorcycle dealership and began to look at the latest models just in from Japan. The salesman Jack sat Clyde on a Harley Davidson lookalike cruiser and asked him how it felt. Clyde drifted off in his mind and saw himself riding down the highway with his buddies from the office. They were accompanied by the cast of SOA. Unfortunately he didn’t install the pop-up blocker in his head and he also saw porn site adds as well.
Clyde walked out of the motorcycle shop with a bill of sale and two helmets. He will be picking up his new cruiser in two days. This will give him time to prepare his wife Muffy for the big surprise. Clyde put in for a three week vacation at work but his boss denied it. He was crushed. Clyde began to slip back into his dream mode and saw himself in the SOA clubhouse. He asked himself “what would Clay do”? He went back to talk to his boss. Clyde said “I have something to do and need a few weeks off. You will give them to me because I know where you live and I know you don’t like smell of bad eggs”. The boss had no idea what Clyde was saying but had never seen that look on Clyde’s face. Before Clyde could explain himself, the boss told him he would approve his request. Clyde was relieved.
The morning of the day Clyde was to pick up his new bike, Clyde told Muffy that she was going to dinner with him when he gets home from work. He told her to wear the tightest jeans she had and to get ready for the ride of her life. She asked him if he was experiencing the four hour side effect from Viagra. Clyde totally ignored her and told her that he was expecting a very important package in the mail. He asked her not to open it.
Does anyone see the pending train wreck here? The Sons of Anarchy is entertainment. The reason I am writing this series is to enlighten those who do not know the sacrifices real men make to become patch-holders. The dedication and hard work that is required of a prospective member to earn the right to wear the club patch should never be disrespected. A few weeks ago I was merging onto the 15 from Genesee and could not believe what I saw ahead of me. It was a full patched SOA cut with the California bottom rocker attached to a guy I will call Clyde. Yes, he was on a Japanese motorcycle. I pulled to the right side of him just to see if it was maybe one of the cast. It was some geek with neatly trimmed eyebrows. He pulled off the freeway at Scripps Poway Parkway. I rode home and called Wild Bill to fill him in on Clyde. There was pity and humor in our conversation. We decided to put this series together between rides.