Dear Annie, I’m crazy about one of my friends. Should I surprise her with a gift? Or, should I e-mail her and declare my love? I’m scared that I’ll overdo it. Tom
Tom, The best way to move from a friendship into a relationship is to test the waters by spending time alone together. If you signal your intentions, you’ll likely discover whether she’s open to romance without risking your friendship.
Behave as though you were dating. Plan activities ahead of time, provide transportation and pick up the tab. If she resists, she’s not interested. If she says she is enjoying herself, you’re probably on the right track.
Practice flirtatious touch, and see how she responds. If she backs off when you lean forward or touch her arm, she may not be open to moving into a romantic relationship. If she returns your touch, she’s letting you know it’s OK to explore possibilities.
If she is responding well, ask yourself the following questions: Does she tell you that she enjoys your dates? Does she return your calls promptly? Does she behave affectionately towards you? When you ask her out, is she available most of the time?
If, after going on six or seven dates with her, everything is on track, let her know about your feelings. She will likely welcome your disclosure at that time.
If she is not interested, giving gifts or sending starry-eyed emails is a waste of time.
Unexpectedly declaring your love to a friend may scare her and totally unhinge your relationship. Rather than creating awkwardness where there previously was none, take it slowly until she’s acting like a girlfriend.
Come and say hello to me before the dancing starts at the Singles Supper Club’s Singlesfest at Club Illusions, 260 S California Avenue, Palo Alto CA 94306. Co-sponsored with the Society of Single Professionals. Friday September 30, 8PM – 1AM. Click here for details.
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