If you are a married man, you might be wondering why your wife is a little standoffish, short with you, stressed out and/or too tired for lovemaking. If it has anything to do with you, which it might not be, this article is just for you. Some ideas will be presented here, as well as some things to think about so you can understand her world a little better. Granted, roles have changed in the modern era – not everyone lives in the old school, conventional family anymore. So please take that into consideration in the following. You may also be experiencing these things as a dad, but usually not to the extent a mother does.
If you both have kids, whether it’s by your current relationship/marriage, or a previous one, then consider the following. Her job is 24/7 as a mother, whether it’s your biological kids between you, or yours. Her heart and mind are 24/7 as a mother, in addition to possibly having a money generating job to tend to. In any case, being a mother is most likely her most important job if the kids haven’t left the nest yet. Even then they’re always on her mind.
For example, she wakes up thinking/asking herself, ‘Ok, what do I need to do for the kids today? What am I going to feed them? What are we going to do for his/her birthday? How can I clone myself? How can I increase the number of hours in the day? Am I spending enough time with them? Do they know how much I love them? Am I leading them the way God wants me to lead them? I would give my life up for them. Are they doing Ok in school? I wish they would get along with their siblings. How do I solve the predicament my child is in? Am I doing enough as a mother? Am I doing things right in my marriage? I wish you would be the spiritual leader in the home. I’m exhausted. I pray that you have a great relationship with our kids, and lead them with, strong, faithful, loving hands as a father. I just want to be loved by you.’ Remember, she’s looking out for the kids like God’s looking out for you.
In addition to this, her kids are a part of her – at one time maybe they were inside her. She gave life to them and had to endure a pregnancy with fluctuating hormones and fatigue, among many other things. You know, you were there. She gets awakened in the middle of the night with a child that has bad dreams, can’t sleep and/or wants to cuddle with mommy. She puts out fires all day long with kids (if they’re at home). It’s an up at dawn, pride swallowing siege that she may never fully tell you about. (Jerry Maguire)
So here are only a handful of ideas that will elevate your marriage, bring her security, give her more energy and thrive as a woman, your wife and your marriage. She’ll feel loved by you, and that you’re committed and passionate about your marriage. 1) Hold her hand in public, and every chance you get. 2) Get the door for her, especially her car door, unless you’re putting a kid in the car. 3) Plan a date, or just go for a drive – just the two of you. 4) Tell her how beautiful she is right when she gets up, then tell her 10 more times throughout the day. 5) Take the kids out and do something fun – it will give her a break, maybe even take a much-needed nap and give you a chance to bond with the kids. 6) Hug her 10 times a day or more, for 10 seconds or more. 7) Kiss her 10 times a day or more, for 10 seconds or more. 8) Tell her she’s the most important thing to you outside of God. 9) Flirt with her. 10) Make dinner, or get carry out if you don’t cook. Maybe have her teach you how to cook. 11) Give her a massage. 12) Offer to go pick the kids up. 13) Fix something around the house without her asking you. 14) Give her a massage not expecting sex afterward. 15) Get her a gift you know she would love – flowers or otherwise. 16) Leave little notes on her bathroom vanity expressing your love for her. 17) Pray with her – out loud. 18) Do some soul searching as to the positive ways you feel and think about her. Then tell her. 19) Offer to watch the kids so she can go do something she wants to do. 20) When she comes home, greet her with excitement, a smile and maybe a hug. Wait for her at the door, or meet her outside. 21) Spend some quality time together, just talking about anything but the menial things of life. 22) Think of what Christ would do for your wife. 23) Take some of the burden off of her by asking what you can do for her, the kids or around the house. 24) Turn off the television, the sporting event (if she’s not into sports), video games or chatting with your buddy, and find something to do with just her. 25) Tell her how you feel, open all the way up – your fears, troubles, dreams and what you would like to see in your marriage – that you want it to be awesome. Then discuss what would make it awesome. Or just let her vent. 26) Go to church with her and the kids. Then afterward, discuss the pastor’s message. 27) Tell her what you admire and respect about her. 28) Stand up for her. 29) Compliment her in front of her friends, and yours. Post something on her facebook wall that expresses your love for her. 30) Call her mother on your wife’s birthday and tell her, ‘thank you for bringing her into the world.’ 31) Bathe her. After all Christ washed His disciples’ feet. 32) Do something that makes her feel desired by you. 33) Read Scripture together, forgive and pray for her.
Thirty-three items were presented in honor of our Savior’s age when He died.
Challenge yourself to see if things don’t turn around. She’ll probably think, ‘Ok, where is my husband and what did you do with him? In any case, I like it!’ If that doesn’t work, seek counseling. For those of you not married, plan on doing these things once you get married.
‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.’ (Ephesians 5:25)
‘For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. (Mark 10:45)