The Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen premiered Monday night featuring several Howard Stern Show related personalities poking fun at the biggest celebrity train wreck of 2011.
HSS pals Jeffrey Ross and Steve O both took to the dais. So did William Shatner, who called in to the Howard Stern Show Monday morning to promote his appearance as well as an upcoming CD release.
Noticeably absent at this year’s event were both Whitney Cummings and Gilbert Gottfried. Both are usually on hand to provide some of the most offensive content of the night, but this time Cummings is busy juggling network sitcoms and Gottfried is still trying to live down get fired from his job as the voice of a duck. Lisa Lampanelli was absent for unknown reasons.
And, of course, Greg Giraldo is still dead.
In spite of the lack of repeat offenders on the dais, Charlie Sheen’s roasters were able to pull out some fairly offensive material.
Check out a list of the most offensive jokes from the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen below
NOTE: The following is a list of jokes that some people may find offensive. If you are sensitive to jokes about race, sex, religion, domestic violence, substance abuse, Michael J. Fox or the death of Ryan Dunn, PLEASE STOP READING NOW.
Jokes About Dead and/or Ailing Celebrities:
Jeff Ross to Anthony Jeselnik: “Some say you’re the next Greg Giraldo. Let’s hope so.”
Amy Schumer to Steve-O: “Steve-O, I truly am – no joke – sorry for the loss of your friend Ryan Dunn. I know you must have been thinking, ‘It could have been me,’ and I know we were all thinking, ‘Why wasn’t it?’
Anthony Jeselnik to Charlie Sheen: “Charlie, I don’t understand why you’re not grateful for what you have right now. I mean after all, the only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.”
Jokes About Religion:
Anthony Jeselnik:“Mike Tyson got a tattoo on his face so that every time he looks in the mirror he can be proud that converting to Islam was only the second dumbest thing he’s ever done.”
Jon Lovitz: “Did you know, according to the Torah, Charlie’s Jewish? And not because his mother’s a Jew, but because CBS paid him $50 million and he still sued the network.”
Seth MacFarlane to Charlie Sheen: “The firing of Charlie Sheen tells you all you really need to know about Hollywood: You can abuse drugs. You can abuse your spouse. You can trash hotel rooms. You can solicit prostitutes. But don’t you ever, EVER call a Jewish guy by his actual Jewish name.”
Anthony Jeselnik to Charlie Sheen: “Charlie I think the craziest thing about you is you thought you were going to go back to your TV show after calling your boss a ‘Jew k**e’. If people got to keep their jobs after calling their boss a Jew k**e Charlie, then everyone would do it.”
Domestic Violence Jokes:
Jeff Ross to Mike Tyson: “Your opponents spent more time bleeding in the corner than Charlie’s ex-wives.”
Jeff Ross on Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife Brooke Mueller: “She’s not very bright, unless Charlie is throwing a lamp at her.”
Seth MacFarlane to Charlie Sheen: “There’s no denying that Charlie Sheen is an icon. You’ve seen him on TV. You’ve seen him in movies. And if you’re a prostitute, you’ve seen him point a gun at you while you’re trying to get him hard.”
“Seth MacFarlane to Charlie Sheen: “You have a lot of nicknames for yourself. You say you’re a Vatican assassin, whatever that is. Charlie, the Vatican doesn’t have assassins. If they want to shut someone up they just buy them ice cream and tell them if they talk, Jesus will kill their parents.”
Anthony Jeselnik to Charlie Sheen: “You’ve convinced more women to have abortions than the pre-natal test for Down Syndrome.”
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