Grade: D (1/5 stars)
I’m hoping President Obama will give the OK for NASA to make another successful Apollo mission. That way, they can launch every copy of this movie and its screenplay into space with no way to return. Hell, while you’re at it, strap the agents of the cast and crew to the shuttle as well.
“Apollo 18” tries so hard to convince its audience that this whole thing was a government conspiracy and the footage is true. But there is no way, not one single way that anyone could prove this was true, unless that person was from NASA and had rights to the footage. Then again, this movie still wouldn’t be made (wishful thinking at its best) and that person would be arrested. Not only would they be arrested for stealing, but also for conceiving the idea of making such a dumb movie (if that were a real crime, which it should be).
“Apollo 18” consists entirely of “found footage” from when a group of astronauts set off for a mission to the moon. This footage was from the ‘70s and is supposed to look grainy, choppy and horribly distorted. It’s like “The Blair Witch Project” or “Paranormal Activity” in space and with less of a brain. You’re better off watching old alien discovery specials from Fox.
The difference between those movies and this movie is “Blair Witch” and “Paranormal Activity” used the first names of the actors to give that sense of realism. The fact that the names of the characters are the same names of the actors gives off more of a sense of fearing this could have possibly happened. Now we know that neither of them are true, and we know “Apollo 18” isn’t true, but the fact that the astronauts and the actors don’t even have the same names is a dead giveaway that this is fake. At least get that part right. Good lord.
It’s funny how the IMDb page lists the two actors in the movie as “uncredited” yet during the credits, you see who they play. Whoever created the IMDb page probably has yet to see the movie and, for their sake, I hope they never do. I hope you never do as well.
When the astronauts are stuck on the moon, there’s supposed to be this sense of fear and paranoia circling around your mind. This worked for Sam Rockwell and “Moon.” Here, it plays like one big joke. All the cuts, jumpy transitions, lame character development, “gotcha” moments and emotional scenes are so laughably bad. And that’s not even the end of it. When it comes to finding out what is walking on the moon with the humans, be prepared to squint your eyes, drop your jaw in confusion and then roll on the floor laughing.
The most maddening thing about this film is when it reaches the end and tells what the government said in the official report and what actually happened, according to their “research.” After that is said and done, the name of a Web site called lunartruth.org appears on the screen. Like most documentaries, the real ones, there’s a Web site where you can learn more about the truth, how to help, etc. With this, you click on it and the dumbest message pops on your screen. Go ahead. Click on it and see what happens. Annoying, isn’t it?
Now playing at Cinemark 14 in Chico, Paradise Cinema 7 in Paradise and Feather River Cinemas in Oroville.
David also writes as the National Boardwalk Empire Examiner and for We Got This Covered.
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