Thousands of books and articles explore the topic of infidelity, why it happens and how to stop it. But does everyone need a reason to cheat? It might be possible to “just happen” at some point or another. Then who is to blame for cheating? Nature? Humanity? Self?
Part one of this article exposed Veronica’s failed marriage, concluding her reason for cheating was revenge. Writer and relationship correspondent for Ask.men.com, Curt Smith explains how this reason is often justified.
People do not cheat because they’re pigs, sows, bitches, or dogs. It all comes down to two basic drives: the physical sexual drive and the emotional need.
Smith further advises one to accept and understand these two short-comings if they so happen to become an issue instead of ignoring them. The subject can be highly emotional or difficult to discuss between two partners. Knowing the outcome is infidelity or a loss of the relationship altogether might make it easier.
In Veronica’s case, both she and her husband avoided the issues that led them to seek satisfaction outside of the marriage. Neither can blame the other for how it turned out. In part, they were equally responsible.
Does cheating mean you no longer want to be in the relationship/ marriage? Not according to David Burke, a former student at Central Piedmont Community College, now a private fitness instructor in Phoenix, Arizona. He was married and divorced two times before finally meeting his current live-in girlfriend, Sharon. Since he cheated in both marriages, he and Sharon opted for an open relationship when Burke found himself physically attracted to yet another woman.
“Acting on the impulse as I had done before would have ruined what I have with Sharon,” he said.
Burke explains the difference between cheating and extracurricular relations. Cheating involves lying and deceiving the people involved. Most often the lies have created a loss in trust which is inevitably the reason relationships don’t survive once the truth is revealed. Extracurricular relations can be consensual between two partners. It doesn’t mean you love your significant other any less; only that you enjoy intimacy with others too.
Burke insists his security in the relationship with Sharon makes it easier for them to appreciate the comfort in others. He concludes, “No matter how other relationships turn out, we always know we’re going home to each other.”
Given the idea that one must dishonest in order to cheat, infidelity is not an easy solution to any problem. Who can live with a lie? Imagine it starts with a lie about where you were at a specific time. That leads to a lie about what you did and who you were with. If the answers don’t make sense, more lies are needed to make each lie convincing. The truth will set you free. However, freedom might come in the form of divorce or an end to a good relationship.
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