The new fashionable thing among some of Hollywood’s A-listers seems to be “sharing.” Not the philanthropic money gifts you would first consider. Think deeper and farther below the heart. Yes, you guessed it. Step to the plate and put your marriage on it. Couples are agreeably sharing each other at a surprisingly high rate.
According to a story published in Ebony magazine (November 2011), famous couples are living with arrangements that most people would frown upon. Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith, for example, live a fabulously wealthy life and the average fan would probably not suspect anything different. Apparently, they promised each other that neither would find out about the other’s “adventures” and it has appeared to work well for them. Whatever goes on behind the walls of their home stays there and the general public is oblivious as to whether there are any problems with the Smiths.
For the vast majority, sharing your spouse / significant other is the most absurd notion that could be conjured up. So what is it about lifestyles such as polyamory or swinging that has couples so intrigued? What would make a couple decide to change the way they’ve been living to accommodate a fantasy? Some appealing factors include:
- Having someone new to be sexually involved with is a major idea as to why these relationships have become so popular. Couples who have been together for long periods of time tend to think that adding “spice” to a marriage / union means adding another partner or more. Some experience success in these areas, while others are left with emotions ranging from guilt to anger to hatred and regret.
- Couples who share can still have the benefit of keeping their partner for stability factors, while enjoying the “newness” of another. When you’ve already established lives together, it is not comfortable for an individual to simply walk away from the person they are familiar with. They have accounts together, a home, cars, kids, dogs, etc. Walking away from each other could spell financial disaster for one or both parties. So the most curious individual has to convince the other to try this “new thing” that could save their relationship.
- Being able to enjoy meaningless sex with someone besides their lover, without consequence. Usually it is one individual over the other who has a stronger sense of adventure in this regard.
Studies show that these types of relationships are rarely successful. There are other safer ways for couples to experience a new “adventure” in their relationship, without bringing strangers into your bedroom. It is not a decision that should be taken lightly, should a couple choose to dig deeper into this possibility. The benefits must far outweigh the consequences. And both parties should agree that it is a mutual decision and any outcome is the responsibility of you both. If one pushes too hard and the other is still unwilling to give in to the fantasy, bigger steps have to be taken. Perhaps there are deeper issues that need to be addressed than either person is able [or qualified] to solve. Seek professional couples counseling if the fantasy becomes a nightmare and there’s resentment from either side.
Fantasies are fun, but they are only meant to last for a brief period of time. The question then becomes: is a fantasy worth risking everything you’ve worked so hard to build? Everything is not for everyone.
