One would think that by the thirties women have mastered the issue of dating a guy that only wants what you physically have to offer and not all of you; however, unfortunately this is not always the case. For the record, it must be clarified that there are some women that prefer an association with no strings attached especially those that are focused on their careers. And if that is the case there is nothing wrong with that if it is what you want. But this article is dedicated to those that are looking for love. Like Toni A. from Greensboro, NC who said she has achieved the majority of her goals thus far as a successful charge nurse with a lovely home that she owns, but now she is ready to settle down. The only problem is she has consecutively dated men that are not ready to give her what she wants. She said the relationships with these guys were mostly just sexual. I asked her why she would deal with someone that wasn’t on the same page and she replied that it would begin with them just hanging out and end with her in tears because things didn’t work out. To this I would like to ask a few questions that those in similar situations to Toni should consider as you continue looking for the right mate:
- Why would you just “hang out” with a guy you are into? The hanging out and hooking up thing is okay in your twenties but if you are now in your thirties and ready to settle down you need to set expectations up front about what you want. This means you tell him, “I’m not looking for anything casual.”
- Do you find that the guys you are meeting are only interested in coming to your house or inviting you to their house, particularly at late night hours? If the answer to this is yes then you are likely dealing with a guy that is looking for a booty call, homey lover friend, quickie, or a friend with benefits, whatever you want to call it. When looking for something serious it is better to go out on an actual date instead of always meeting late night at his house or vice versa.
- Do you find that you are having sex on the first date or within the first month? If so, it may be time to abstain. Physical attraction is usually the initial reason a guy approaches you thus if his chase ends too quickly he may simply lose interest. (How long you should actually wait is another topic for another article altogether).
There are so many other things that can relate to why you would settle for less than what you want but the most important thing to take from this article is that you cannot be afraid to set expectations and even boundaries in the very beginning. It is only fair that you give the person you are interested in a chance to decide if he is willing to give you what you want. If he isn’t at least you have the option of moving on without wasting your time.