I’ve been dating a man for a long time here in Atlanta and I think he’s a really good catch. He’s handsome and appears to be very successful. He owns a company, but to this day, I don’t know much about it. He’s very secretive with everything. I don’t see him very often and we don’t hang out much because he’s always working. In the last year, he’s been struggling financially and I try to assist him as much as possible. Rachel, I love him and thus, I do what I can to make him happy, but he still tells me that I’m not doing enough. How can I keep him interested?
Now, this question brings out the “SheDevil” in me. Click on HeyRachel.org to review my past Q&A’s regarding honesty and control issues in relationships, how to love yourself before you can love another, and the pitfalls of dealing with “bad boys,” etc., but in the mean-time, check out what your man, a non–successful controlling guy, really wants in a woman … who just may be the chick on the side …. hmmm:
- A woman who doesn’t speak much but is very attractive .. weave bangin’ .. hips swangin’
- A woman with money … job bangin’
- A woman without a brain … “Sarah Palin for President!”
- A woman who lets him get away with murder … “I slept with her, but I love U!“
- A woman who dresses like a school teacher during the day and “exotic” at night.
- A woman who’ll go without, so that he can go with … Patricia, Kim, and Pam.
- A woman who’ll sit and wait until he ” re-appears” and asks absolutely no questions!
Chicka, this type of man wants a woman that he can control. A woman who’ll allow him to do whatever is in his best interest (i.e. use you as a bootycall).
He’s controlling you and the only way he can maintain control is to keep you off balance by making sure that you feel inadequate and unsure of yourself.
Now, back to the question at hand “How can you keep him interested?” Hmmm… You want me to tell you how to keep a man interested even though he’s not at all interested in you? I won’t use this space to do that, but I will use it tell you that the relationship between the two of you is virtually non-existent.
You’re in this relationship all by your lonesome. You have to much to give to be in a relationship of one. You’re toooo good for that! We all are!
You’re dealing with a person who only makes you doubt yourself, wants to control you, lies, takes your money, etc. Love ain’t about pain and sadness and thus, love doesn’t live here.
It’s a relationship failure that you shouldn’t feel responsible for because I’m sure that he’s always behaved this way with “certain” women in his past.
Sweetie, having dealt with this subject for many years, I know that all the words in the world won’t make you jump up and suddenly move on. My words won’t make you immediately realize that you deserve better. I’ve just planted a seed.
At this point, you’ll probably continue to be everything he wants you to be. You’ve not gotten to the stage where you realize that you’re being controlled and that this control can destroy you (at least you took the first step by writing me).
I know that you’ll walk away when you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Write me back when you’re ready to ask the following questions:
1. Rachel, I’m in a relationship that is truly one-sided. I don’t feel loved or respected. How do I prepare to walk away?
2. Rachel, how do I begin to build my self esteem and learn the true meaning of love?
Old African proverb: She who tries to please a man that does not deserve to be pleased will never please the man.
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