Suburgatory premiered on ABC 7 in Queens Wednesday night, introducing the Altmans to life in the suburbs. After moving from the city to the suburbs, George and Tessa had a lot to adjust to.
Peace and quiet is weird.
George and his daughter move from Manhattan to the suburbs after he found a box of condoms in her drawer, and things are definitely different. He gets her a bicycle as a present—very anti-climactic considering she was hoping for a car. At the country club, the waitress offers herself to George.
Meanwhile, Tessa does not like suburbia and meets her buddy, Dalia, who isn’t necessarily her friend but will show her around school. Meanwhile, George meets Dalia’s mother. She assumes he’s the architect, and he points out why that was a bad idea. That city mentality hasn’t left him. She shows him Dalia’s room, which he will be renovating. He asks her about what she’d do if she found a box of condoms, and Dallas said she’d trust her daughter. George says Tessa needs some motherly love, and Dallas offers to help, saying she will love Dalia.
That’s not true—Tessa hates Dalia as she gives her the tour. She likes the handicapped bathroom the best and hangs out there during lunch. She watches as a group of girls torment Lisa and emerges after they’ve left, telling Lisa she knows what it’s like to be picked on, beginning to offer friendship. Lisa tells her to stay away from her.
The horrors of Suburgatory
On the way home, Tessa finds the neighborhood more intimidating than the city. She’s surprised when George pulls up in a car in front of her with Dallas. In the junior section of the mall, Dallas and Dalia are having fun shopping, while George and Tessa obviously aren’t. Dallas sends George away while the girls try on clothes. Dalia, who’s convinced Tessa’s a lesbian, thinks it’s to get back at her mother, who left. Tessa thinks Dallas feels sorry for her, but Dalia says she just wants George. When Dallas sees Tessa’s bra, she decides she needs to go shopping for new ones.
That night, Tessa shows off a new look—what she bought at the mall. When George goes to serve her and Noah dinner, Tessa tells him she’s having a Red Bull for dinner like all the other suburban girls since that’s what he seems to want her to be like. She ends up leaving the table without eating, telling George he’s ruining her life.
The next day, George and Tessa use passive-aggressive reference books to express their feelings. She does speak up, reminding him of a fish she had that died, saying that’s how she feels. He brings up a movie she refused to watch but ended up liking and thinks that’ll happen in this situation.
Lisa shows up to get her mother’s pot back and says she freaked out on her because she didn’t want to be made fun of anymore. Tessa tells her they’re cool. Dallas shows up later to apologize for how she acted and brings her a new bra, one that is very different from the one she was wearing. It was inappropriate, but Tessa realizes the mothers aren’t so bad since it is the nicest thing she now owns. Watching her father water the lawn like the other families, she realizes her father’s also stuck in Suburgatory with these crazy mothers. They needed automatic sprinklers to survive and a restraining order.
Suburgatory continues on ABC 7 in Queens next week with “The Barbecue.” What did you think of the series premiere?
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