Following this past Sunday’s Night of Champions this week’s Raw starts out big, with the Second City Savior, CM Punk marching triumphantly to the ring, and by marching I mean limping slowly and by triumphantly I mean after having lost big to Triple-H the night before. And by CM Punk I mean Orson Welles as Charles Foster Kane and by ring I of course mean feast of delicious, delicious Fritos corn chips, and by corn chips I mean…
… uhh, what was I talking about again?
Icy reception for Mr. Punk this week. Turns out the Cleveland, OH crowd aren’t fans. In true Punk fashion he offers some very candid confessions: “I have to admit that this particular building has never been super kind to CM Punk. I had to forfeit the world heavy championship here… because I was not fit to compete. One time… Bob Holly punched me so hard in my left eye that I still to this day have a dead spot… And now I gotta come out here, I can’t turn my head left or right, I can barely put my weight on my left leg. I’m beat up; I was in a war last night.” Just like I expected, the stakes were simply too high for CM Punk to win at NoC. There was no way Triple-H was going to give up his C-O-O position that easy.
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Punk concedes that the two wild men screaming in the wilderness, R-Truth and the Miz are onto something and he’s starting to believe in their conspiracy theory.
Just to let Punk know how tired he is of having fingers pointed at him, almost as soon as these words leave Punk’s mouth the Game’s music hits. Triple-H makes his way to the ring and lets Punk know that he is just as beat up as he is. The Game is set on ending Punk’s constant accusations of his somehow conspiring against him. Triple-H is willing to peel off his suit and tie and get right back down to the business of the two men wailing on one another to prove his point. “There’s a conspiracy here,” Punk says, “but it doesn’t involve you. It involves somebody a little bit higher up on the ladder, if you know what I mean.” “Shane McMahon! Shane McMahon!” an overzealous fan chants. Punk looks over at the audience member and gives him a shake of his head and almost imperceptible smile, saying “No.”
In-joke there, the long and short of it is this: people always assumed Vince’s son, Shane would be the one to take over the family business after he was done with it, much like Vince did in the footsteps of his own father, Vince Sr. However Shane abruptly resigned from the WWE sometime in January, 2010, with very little to no explanation given besides his wanting to try other things. In the meanwhile as we all know Vince has begun to shift emphasis over to his daughter, Stephanie and her husband Triple-H getting in position to take over in his stead. Punk is the champion of the internet generation so that grin and response was his wink to the IWC, a sort of acknowledgement of a mutual understanding of the things that go on behind the scenes.
John Laurinaitis comes out to break up the get together, saying that if there’s any conspiracy it’s one involving CM Punk. Punk turns the tables on Laurinaitis, pointing out that he’d be one who has a lot to gain by pitting the Game and Punk against one another. He makes the obvious observation that maybe it was Laurinaitis who told Nash to attack Punk; maybe Laurinaitis was the one who turned off Punk’s mic last week; maybe he’s the one behind it all.
There must be a form letter that goes out to all WWE stars when their talents are no longer required. Being “future endeavoured” has entered common use in the IWC to indicate when a wrestler gets let go and sure enough Laurinaitis tells Punk, “i’m going to wish you the best in all your future endeavors. You’re fired!” Do recall Punk’s mockingly telling Nash something similar a couple weeks back.
Triple-H immediately overrules the decision, telling Punk he isn’t fired. He then ominously promises that once he gets to the bottom of what’s going on someone is going to be fired tonight for sure. In the meanwhile, to fulfill his rematch clause Punk is injected into the match between John Cena and Alberto Del Rio, making their match at Hell in a Cell a Triple Threat.
Justin Gabriel, Sheamus, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne vs.
Christian, Wade Barrett and the Skullbashers
Big eight man tag man next, though sadly most of it consists of the heel team picking on Evan Bourne for 15 minutes. Ok we get it, when it comes to taking powerful moves Evan Bourne can sell ice to an eskimo, stink to a port-a-john or crazy to Gary Busey. No one sells a powerbomb or DDT better than Evan, but really, i’m sure there must be some better use for the young man’s talents than as a disposable face to get kicked in every week.
I have to say, Otunga and McGillicutty are looking really good here. I’m sure a large part of it is super-salesman, Bourne doing his Bourne’y best but still,the two men do seem to have ratcheted up their intensity. Really liking their strong emphasis on tag team moves.
As matches of this size are wont to do this one devolves into an all-out brawl, all eight men becoming a tangle of arms, legs, fists, feet and heads. Kofi does one of his wild off the top rope splashes and lands square on Wade Barrett. Then he grabs his stomach in pain like Bourne always does after his Shooting Star press. Yeesh, what is it with these two and putting their midsections through such torture.
The standout this match is Sheamus, who seems to be running perpetually on 11 these days. The Celtic Warrior hands out healthy doses of Brogue kicks and powerslams to all comers. He wraps things up with a big Celtic Cross to Otunga, taking the win.
Continue reading to hear about the WWE’s special guest, star of X-Men and Val Helsing, Hugh Jackman.