Awhile ago, I was at a bar with a girlfriend when a couple of guys sat down next to us. I was totally checking one of them out – until he ordered a grape vodka and Sprite. You can tell a lot about a person by how they get their buzz on, and metro men aren’t my thang. Had he ordered a gin martini or whisky, I would have asked if I could be his garnish for the remainder of the evening. Women, and their drink of choice, can be a little trickier to figure out though, so I’ve concocted the guide below:
The Foo-Foo, Umbrella Drink: Any chick slurping a frosty beverage through a straw that’s been dunked into a glass decorated with paper parasols, plastic swords, fruit and/or fireworks, is a child in disguise. Seriously, if her drink looks like a carnival, back away. With this one, you’ll have to worry about curfew and kiddie menus.
Martini: Ah, the classic gin or vodka martini. This woman appreciates the taste of alcohol and enjoys a deep discussion or heated debate.
Screwdriver: Does anyone even order these things anymore? Well, they shouldn’t. This is a drink for the inexperienced, or college co-eds. Ladies drinking OJ and vodka really don’t like the taste of alcohol and want to feel better about imbibing by just tasting orange juice.
Red Wine: A nice glass of Pinot or Malbec screams sophistication. But, there are some wino imposters out there, so observe how she actually drinks the wine. If she grips the glass with both hands or soaks her face while trying to catch the aroma, she’s not legit.
White Wine: Unless you spot her in the middle of the desert, trying to cool off with a crisp glass of Sauvignon Blanc, this lady is probably an imposter or novice. People who drink white wine are typically beginners and like the wine buzz much more than the wine taste. Look on the bright side, you could teach her a few things.
Bloody Mary: She’s probably an alcoholic, or just really serious about getting the daily recommended five servings of vegetables in for the day.
Cosmo: A woman sipping this highly overrated cocktail has expensive taste. She may be a gold digger, or at the very least, expect you to buy her another cosmo.
Sex on the Beach: This girl is either in her early 20’s or wishing she was. This woman probably hasn’t been laid in a while and thinks saying the word ‘sex’ is cute and will miraculously send her spinning into an orgasm.
Beer: This is a guy’s girl. She enjoys a good time and can acclimate to any situation.